alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
