Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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