They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
