Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
