Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
