And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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