I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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