just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
