He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
