Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
