can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
