it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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