my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
