I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
