We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
