I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
