Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
