were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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