She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
