I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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