Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
then he tried to convert me to islam
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
send nudes
from the living room?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
