You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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