4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
