i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
