My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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