Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she peed on how many people?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
