new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if only i could text you this smell
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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