hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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