man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
