hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
