Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
