Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Houston, we have a squirter
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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