Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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