thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
