I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
