i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
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Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
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Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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