Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
