her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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