this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
