I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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