forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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