I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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