Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
