The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
