we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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