At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
