I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
