Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
