how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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