saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My dick has a subreddit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
