Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
