Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
