You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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