Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
