I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
