if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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