i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
