Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
