awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
