I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
