I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
