So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
