i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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