my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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