So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
