two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
