pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
