we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
