There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
