the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
