Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
