She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When are your genitals available?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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