We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
