so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
