Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
